dispatches from the deep

how is it that after graduating college i feel more like a dorked-out freak? i mean, i no longer pull all-nighters in the regenstein basement. i rarely cite texts in casual conversation. i don't even own highlighters anymore -and, boy, did that purge feel good. but, today i really threw myself into a tizzy. i woke up in a terrible mood triggered by some anxiety dreams about who knows what only to have it get worse when i realized that i had a cold sore developing. while perusing my natural remedy options on the internet, i checked in on my scrabbulous games, a new-found obsession of mine. instead of the page loading as it normally would to reveal a neck-and-neck array of tiles, it was a terrible dramamine orange box announcing that scrabbulous had been disabled in the us and canada. WHAT? i started to loose it. where else was i going to put all this bizarre, anxious energy that i had been channeling into my verbal competition? what was going to help me keep my mind as nimble and sharp or my spelling so correct? i had an over-the-top, but momentary melt-down. as i was trying to regain my composure, i recalled a message to a fellow scrabbulouser including a prediction about me mapping out conspiracy theories on my walls by age 40. this fear and likelihood was only made worse by going to go see the new x-files movie this evening. mulder is first shown donning a beard and pinning up newspaper clippings near the photo of his sister (duh) and the classic -now titular- poster with the ufo with the caption 'i want to believe.' i realized that i would have to figure out how to denote 'wing-nut' without being able to grow a beard. luckily, i had leafed through erin's copy of bust earlier in the day and spent some time analyzing little edie's outfits. the article was a preview for an upcoming book about the wingnut-turned-post-humous-cashcow/fashionista of grey gardens fame.

when did i turn into a cold-sore scrabble freak who lives at home just biding the time before turning into a full-blown conspiracy theorist and blogging about having a regretted crush on a tv character? in the spirit of henry rollins in live tonight sold out,
WINGNUT? SOMEBODY GIVE ME A DECREPIT MANSION AND A CAPE!

could you be the one?

not since daria's trent has a television character got me so aflutter. i'm not saying that i am proud of that fact, but it is true. it's just that he loves jokes like i love jokes and is so boyishly charming. the dedication to pulling pranks and the mugging for the camera is really what got me. i was a little late in coming to the american office, but let me tell you, i have more than made up for my tardiness in full-throttle dedication. i got pretty uncomfortable in the episode where jim throws a party at his house and you see his bedroom. total crush killer. there was this part where pam picks up a lava lamp in his room. in plenty of other crush's bedrooms i would think a lava lamp is a total plus, but not in this room. however, lighting missteps are easily overlooked when put next to the phenomenal pranks pulled on dwight. for instance,


i mean, really the thing is, the fantasy is so perfectly resonate. who doesn't want to think there is someone to comiserate with in a place like a michael scott-run office? we all go to places we hate, wouldn't it be nice to have that kind of dependable intimacy inspite of the terrible conditions and even made better by them?

i am okay having a crush on this.

sort of.


but then i realized what comes out of having a crush on a television character.

it pushes people to do and make things i am not okay with at all, things like this:






these are signs.
i gotta get outta this place.

my future

ya gotta be careful.

NEW OBSESSIONS

1. AMATEUR VENTRILLOQUISTS!
2. OLDE TIMEY DUMMIES
3. VIDEO FORMATTED EBAY ADS FOR HANDICRAFTS

wtf?

really, guys? no comments at all on the fact that i got a missed connection from the most bland creep? does no one read this anymore? am i just yelling out into cyberspace? the pitter-pat of my typing echoing off into infinity where no one can here me digitally scream?

well, fine. just fine.
then no one will mind if i post annoying photobooth pictures....


meet peanut, the dog i am currently dogsitting.








doesn't he look like an anime lion puff? or maybe one of those teddybear backpacks from elementary school? his left leg's joints don't even connect. his leg is alway adorably dangling as he tries to move in every direction at once. it's like he is exploding from the center during a backflip. i love that nutterbutter.

my very first missed connection!

note: the run-on sentence, the lack of identifying information -even whether they had selected mild, medium or hot -a question posed to all customers, and the really awful joke.


i always said that i would follow up on a missed connection -for the joke factor if nothing else. but, now that it is happening it makes me feel like running away and never getting behind that counter again.

in other news, i got an internship at the Mather's Museum working on the ethnographic musical instruments collection! it's gonna be so cool!

talkin' and afeelin'

sometimes it is really hard to let people know what's up.

XTREME DREAM DREAM

2g00d2Btru

this is what it is like to live in indiana

LI'L'ST DUDE RANCH

so i moved back to bloomington yesterday, temporarily.


i drove all the way down. i need alot of revolutionary refreshment along the way.


on the drive down with hannah and pete woods, we happened upon a magical place called "little dude ranch."



AKA "Little Dude Expo"



it was a field of pony ponies and lil lamas and the like.










made some buddies, fed some friends. there were no people to be found anywhere. just tiny ponies as far as the eye could see. we piled back into the car ready to make the final leg of our trip when pete noticed another part of the ranch: an enormous metal cage. "what IS that?" there was a large black figure moving around. we drove closer to check it out.



oh, no big deal. just a chimp. on the side of the road. in southern indiana.



we couldn't believe it. there is no way that the lil dude expo should have a chimp. it was alone and there were solo cups like you would get at a keg party ripped up and thrown all around its cage. it was really sad. at first we were all so excited. i had never been so close to a chimp before. then it started to sink in. i probably should never be this close to a chimp. this was really sad. and really fucked up.

we started making jokes about how maybe the chimp was really the one running the place. evidence included the fact there were no people and that she would really be the perfect size to ride a ponypony. and chimps are really really smart. so smart that they would know to build decoy cages incase nosy humans stopped by to pet some little dudes.

i mean, they can even learn sign language, like nim chimpsky.



i don't know whether to try to plan a chimpnapping liberation effort or to just go back and try to figure out what other exotic animals they have.

also, i can stop thinking about how many airplanes that chimp has ridden on. can it even have a carbon footprint? do they take it out to the strip malls near greencastle, the closest town? does it im? i know what it is like in those small indiana towns -you NEED to im. we saw a teenage sk8r babe holding up a large sign advertising dominos at the main intersection in town. along with considering whether this long-haired chill teen god would read let alone respond to a missed connection, i started wondering if the chimp had ever eat a slice of pizza. then i realized, it may be fucked up to have a chimp on the side of the road in indiana next to a pony pony auctionhouse in a cage filled with shredded plastic cups for toys, but at least it can eat some pizza. and a chimp eating pizza is really something i can get behind.