promises made

god. that last post sounds like a greeting card.

am i turning this blog into silence and then bursts of exclusively the worst dog-related crap and vertically stacked inspirational quotes and documentary photographs of yesteryear?

the times are a changing and i should be better about reflecting.

harry crews says he only writes 500 words a day and that it adds up pretty quickly.



2000fine new years resolution:

FIVE HUNDRED WORDS EACH AND EVERY.

feeling good

can be so simple.

D8 TYME

would anyone want to accompany me in getting hella blazed in the parking -nay, barking- lot before sneaking into this lil gem?

all i want for christmas is

is a very hot looking panda-dog.

ANIMAL SPIRIT/SPIRIT ANIMAL

OH SHIT

oh, my yes!

what a great idea!


T MINUS
20 DAYS TIL SPIRIT ANIMALS/ANIMAL SPIRIT ART SHOW AT SWEET HICKORY
26 DAYS TIL NEW YORK AND BAY VISIT
50 DAYS TIL BIG BAY MOVE

SLAM DUNK BIRTHDAY

it is my michael jordan birthday. come to my party. bring a dippable snack. watch two great movies. celebrate me being born.

this is the day

things move pretty fast, even when you think you're standing still.
things change alot, even when you think you're stagnating.

HEY CHECK IT OUT

LOOK!

Hamilton's article that I helped him edit came out in vice!

MAGIC JEWS

event horizon

i just got called a "provincial, narrow-minded townie" after shaming a chubby obv ghey dude who kept making billie holiday references -okay, we get it- called my haircut "dykey," referred to me dimissively as a "hipster," and suggested that guns and roses was a an unknown indie band.

after i rose up on the bench of the booth in the pizza parlor and asked if he was actually calling me xenophobic with his fly down (it was), he quickly demanded how many continents i could claim to have lived on.


really?





no, wait. really?

i fought all urges to ask him if there was a Rent curtain call he was missing, and told him he and his parents' credit cards weren't welcome in my town. when did small town, new-money drama club presidents get to shame me for not being worldly? plz tell me more about your trip to venice. plz wear shrunken microfiber ill-fitting button-ups from h&m while trying to mock my style. plz cut me down for actually finding the things i like and living as a full participant in a culture i support and create. plz expect more reports of fights beginning from someone making fun of my hair in the pizza place at 3:30 after telling me about how they just discovered animal collective and it is "beautiful."

and school has only been in session for two weeks.

movie poster review

what the fuck is that supposed to be? a swastika made of cancanning legs with a vagina mouth at the center? does this make you want to see cabaret more or less? i've never seen the movie, but this poster suggests that i have it all wrong.

FER YER INFAUX

i just wanted to record the fact that i had a dream last night that i discovered the movie i am meant to make. it was extraordinary. unfortunately, the only scene i can remember is a 360 degree pan of a giant hot dog bun with about six daschounds dressed as hot dogs running around inside. it was sped up like a keystone cops short so all their little legs were going so fast.

as i told hannah on the phone, i would spend about one million dollars to go under hypnosis to find out exactly what else this dream comprised of.


what i am trying to figure out is how i can repay my subconscious for such a gift.

woooweee

what happened to the last month?

i've done a lot. i think?

i went to chicago.

this is the only photo i took. which is weird.



came back.

hung with buddies.

man, oh man, do i have some great buddies.


and i just applied for a job at the animal shelter, which means, i am about to make alot more great buddies.

see what i mean?
FUTURE BUDDDIES

i want to update this puppy more regularly, but the posts were taking a turn for the less than proud blog. ya know?


to the future! to the future furry buddies!

do you know any voodoo to help me get a job? (cruelty free, plz)

dispatches from the deep

how is it that after graduating college i feel more like a dorked-out freak? i mean, i no longer pull all-nighters in the regenstein basement. i rarely cite texts in casual conversation. i don't even own highlighters anymore -and, boy, did that purge feel good. but, today i really threw myself into a tizzy. i woke up in a terrible mood triggered by some anxiety dreams about who knows what only to have it get worse when i realized that i had a cold sore developing. while perusing my natural remedy options on the internet, i checked in on my scrabbulous games, a new-found obsession of mine. instead of the page loading as it normally would to reveal a neck-and-neck array of tiles, it was a terrible dramamine orange box announcing that scrabbulous had been disabled in the us and canada. WHAT? i started to loose it. where else was i going to put all this bizarre, anxious energy that i had been channeling into my verbal competition? what was going to help me keep my mind as nimble and sharp or my spelling so correct? i had an over-the-top, but momentary melt-down. as i was trying to regain my composure, i recalled a message to a fellow scrabbulouser including a prediction about me mapping out conspiracy theories on my walls by age 40. this fear and likelihood was only made worse by going to go see the new x-files movie this evening. mulder is first shown donning a beard and pinning up newspaper clippings near the photo of his sister (duh) and the classic -now titular- poster with the ufo with the caption 'i want to believe.' i realized that i would have to figure out how to denote 'wing-nut' without being able to grow a beard. luckily, i had leafed through erin's copy of bust earlier in the day and spent some time analyzing little edie's outfits. the article was a preview for an upcoming book about the wingnut-turned-post-humous-cashcow/fashionista of grey gardens fame.

when did i turn into a cold-sore scrabble freak who lives at home just biding the time before turning into a full-blown conspiracy theorist and blogging about having a regretted crush on a tv character? in the spirit of henry rollins in live tonight sold out,
WINGNUT? SOMEBODY GIVE ME A DECREPIT MANSION AND A CAPE!

could you be the one?

not since daria's trent has a television character got me so aflutter. i'm not saying that i am proud of that fact, but it is true. it's just that he loves jokes like i love jokes and is so boyishly charming. the dedication to pulling pranks and the mugging for the camera is really what got me. i was a little late in coming to the american office, but let me tell you, i have more than made up for my tardiness in full-throttle dedication. i got pretty uncomfortable in the episode where jim throws a party at his house and you see his bedroom. total crush killer. there was this part where pam picks up a lava lamp in his room. in plenty of other crush's bedrooms i would think a lava lamp is a total plus, but not in this room. however, lighting missteps are easily overlooked when put next to the phenomenal pranks pulled on dwight. for instance,


i mean, really the thing is, the fantasy is so perfectly resonate. who doesn't want to think there is someone to comiserate with in a place like a michael scott-run office? we all go to places we hate, wouldn't it be nice to have that kind of dependable intimacy inspite of the terrible conditions and even made better by them?

i am okay having a crush on this.

sort of.


but then i realized what comes out of having a crush on a television character.

it pushes people to do and make things i am not okay with at all, things like this:






these are signs.
i gotta get outta this place.

my future

ya gotta be careful.

NEW OBSESSIONS

1. AMATEUR VENTRILLOQUISTS!
2. OLDE TIMEY DUMMIES
3. VIDEO FORMATTED EBAY ADS FOR HANDICRAFTS

wtf?

really, guys? no comments at all on the fact that i got a missed connection from the most bland creep? does no one read this anymore? am i just yelling out into cyberspace? the pitter-pat of my typing echoing off into infinity where no one can here me digitally scream?

well, fine. just fine.
then no one will mind if i post annoying photobooth pictures....


meet peanut, the dog i am currently dogsitting.








doesn't he look like an anime lion puff? or maybe one of those teddybear backpacks from elementary school? his left leg's joints don't even connect. his leg is alway adorably dangling as he tries to move in every direction at once. it's like he is exploding from the center during a backflip. i love that nutterbutter.

my very first missed connection!

note: the run-on sentence, the lack of identifying information -even whether they had selected mild, medium or hot -a question posed to all customers, and the really awful joke.


i always said that i would follow up on a missed connection -for the joke factor if nothing else. but, now that it is happening it makes me feel like running away and never getting behind that counter again.

in other news, i got an internship at the Mather's Museum working on the ethnographic musical instruments collection! it's gonna be so cool!

talkin' and afeelin'

sometimes it is really hard to let people know what's up.

XTREME DREAM DREAM

2g00d2Btru

this is what it is like to live in indiana

LI'L'ST DUDE RANCH

so i moved back to bloomington yesterday, temporarily.


i drove all the way down. i need alot of revolutionary refreshment along the way.


on the drive down with hannah and pete woods, we happened upon a magical place called "little dude ranch."



AKA "Little Dude Expo"



it was a field of pony ponies and lil lamas and the like.










made some buddies, fed some friends. there were no people to be found anywhere. just tiny ponies as far as the eye could see. we piled back into the car ready to make the final leg of our trip when pete noticed another part of the ranch: an enormous metal cage. "what IS that?" there was a large black figure moving around. we drove closer to check it out.



oh, no big deal. just a chimp. on the side of the road. in southern indiana.



we couldn't believe it. there is no way that the lil dude expo should have a chimp. it was alone and there were solo cups like you would get at a keg party ripped up and thrown all around its cage. it was really sad. at first we were all so excited. i had never been so close to a chimp before. then it started to sink in. i probably should never be this close to a chimp. this was really sad. and really fucked up.

we started making jokes about how maybe the chimp was really the one running the place. evidence included the fact there were no people and that she would really be the perfect size to ride a ponypony. and chimps are really really smart. so smart that they would know to build decoy cages incase nosy humans stopped by to pet some little dudes.

i mean, they can even learn sign language, like nim chimpsky.



i don't know whether to try to plan a chimpnapping liberation effort or to just go back and try to figure out what other exotic animals they have.

also, i can stop thinking about how many airplanes that chimp has ridden on. can it even have a carbon footprint? do they take it out to the strip malls near greencastle, the closest town? does it im? i know what it is like in those small indiana towns -you NEED to im. we saw a teenage sk8r babe holding up a large sign advertising dominos at the main intersection in town. along with considering whether this long-haired chill teen god would read let alone respond to a missed connection, i started wondering if the chimp had ever eat a slice of pizza. then i realized, it may be fucked up to have a chimp on the side of the road in indiana next to a pony pony auctionhouse in a cage filled with shredded plastic cups for toys, but at least it can eat some pizza. and a chimp eating pizza is really something i can get behind.