Saturday, June 28, 2008

Tuesday, June 17, 2008


so i moved back to bloomington yesterday, temporarily.

i drove all the way down. i need alot of revolutionary refreshment along the way.

on the drive down with hannah and pete woods, we happened upon a magical place called "little dude ranch."

AKA "Little Dude Expo"

it was a field of pony ponies and lil lamas and the like.

made some buddies, fed some friends. there were no people to be found anywhere. just tiny ponies as far as the eye could see. we piled back into the car ready to make the final leg of our trip when pete noticed another part of the ranch: an enormous metal cage. "what IS that?" there was a large black figure moving around. we drove closer to check it out.

oh, no big deal. just a chimp. on the side of the road. in southern indiana.

we couldn't believe it. there is no way that the lil dude expo should have a chimp. it was alone and there were solo cups like you would get at a keg party ripped up and thrown all around its cage. it was really sad. at first we were all so excited. i had never been so close to a chimp before. then it started to sink in. i probably should never be this close to a chimp. this was really sad. and really fucked up.

we started making jokes about how maybe the chimp was really the one running the place. evidence included the fact there were no people and that she would really be the perfect size to ride a ponypony. and chimps are really really smart. so smart that they would know to build decoy cages incase nosy humans stopped by to pet some little dudes.

i mean, they can even learn sign language, like nim chimpsky.

i don't know whether to try to plan a chimpnapping liberation effort or to just go back and try to figure out what other exotic animals they have.

also, i can stop thinking about how many airplanes that chimp has ridden on. can it even have a carbon footprint? do they take it out to the strip malls near greencastle, the closest town? does it im? i know what it is like in those small indiana towns -you NEED to im. we saw a teenage sk8r babe holding up a large sign advertising dominos at the main intersection in town. along with considering whether this long-haired chill teen god would read let alone respond to a missed connection, i started wondering if the chimp had ever eat a slice of pizza. then i realized, it may be fucked up to have a chimp on the side of the road in indiana next to a pony pony auctionhouse in a cage filled with shredded plastic cups for toys, but at least it can eat some pizza. and a chimp eating pizza is really something i can get behind.


i know they're out there.

Wednesday, June 11, 2008


it's starting to feel like summer. finally.

midder-day beers, longer bike rides, sweatier hangovers.

i'm ready for it.

being out of school is starting to feel less oppressive. you know, like the thing i actually want and have been wanting for the two miserable (mostly) years spent at uchicago.

back to the base

i was feeling pretty rough this morning. when i woke up, the weird metal valve in my bathroom was flooding everywhere. my half-packed boxes of books were in mortal danger. the water was hot and murky, which was even grosser than it needed to be. then i had to make all hundred calls to the landlord, super, the landlord's son, etc. i got the leak under control myself. it was just messy and obviously clogged. it wasn't as refreshing as the leisurely morning i had planned for myself of searching the nyfa website and drinking coffee.

i was feeling all restless and angsty when i realized something. oh, wait, things are still pretty cool. the world is still filled with pretty great things.

it was the discovery of a real live unicorn that really did it for me.

yes, i did just write "a real live unicorn."

not a joke. a shy italian unicorn no less.

it got me back to the whole point of this thing, the blog i mean. the idea was i would keep a record of the tiny, stupid things that make me feel so emphatic about the world being great. the world is this big thing. it's a big thing made of a lot of little things and sometimes you get to brush up against some really cool things.

like this lady

i normally get really annoyed by street musicians. but this lady! holy shit. i have never encountered such a silent subway audience. she was playing three instruments at once and also using her shoes to tap dance a rhythm. and she was stoked with this lady gave her a lunchable. she is a one-man-band and humble to boot.

i also started a new mixtape which is the first bummer summer mix i have tried to make. it is a delicate balance between summer jams and heartbreakers. i am driving myself back to bloomington this weekend and will need jams. i have never driven that long before. i have a tape player and a sunroof and i am pumped.

i am ordering my favie jams, listening to the wipers amid a bunch of boxes and drinking beer before noon.

addendum: what the fuck is going on with the figure behind the dogs? what the fuck is this picture?

Sunday, June 8, 2008

no wait fuck this more

so, i am scouring the craiglists for most major american cities for jobs, apartments, non-underwear related opportunities and by far san francisco has the most annoying roommate posts i have ever seen. they may be just the most annoying thing i have ever seen under any circumstances. i'm not not a free spirit, right? i don't like to think i am a hater or anything, but sometime the faux quirkiness is just a little too much. it's like they ate some adderall after watching eternal sunshine of a spotless mind and were inspired to write the most quirky craigslist roommate ads. when it really comes out is the people who bother to write these questionnaires for the potential roommate.

this is a selection from the worst offender to date:

1. What in particular specifically drew you to respond to this posting?
1a. Who are you in 9 words or less, or a haiku:
2. In life, what do you do?
3. Why would you be a good fit here with us?
4. What are your top 3 favorite recordings that you’d take with you if you were to have to evacuate the planet to go to mars and could only take three 8 tracks, cds, records, or tapes with you?
5. Do u like madlibs? Finish the following sentence: George W Bush has a wife named Laura who can really put the__________ back in your ______!
6. MTV sucks. Please elaborate in 1 sentence.
7. You are against violence and you are a vegan who occasionally eats insects. You see a small sick little girl being bitten by an infected mosquito. What do you do; kill it? Ask it to leave? Call a long dramatic house meeting and act as a team to eradicate the flying fuck.
8. You have been asked to join the Bach street boy’s backup band for their tour of AfghanistanGetz.
What instrument will you play? Sorry, you may not sing or dance.
9. Which fake band name is cooler: Cuddlefish, the i can'ts, KasioKrist, press play, Kilt them all, or the Masters of Bating?
10. What would you rather do: Clean toilets and bathrooms, clean the food infucted kitchen, or pick up after others and vacuum the house?
11. You MUST vote for the next president so who will it be: the old Pope, Joseph (father of Jesus), that guy from “nightcourt”, Miss Nancy from romper room, John stamos. You must pick one of these people.
12. At Halloween you like to be: scary, stupid, original, drunk, any combo of the above.
13. In concise detail (1 sentence) what are any of the following things? A low frequency oscillator, a reducing compound, the word for “waste” in Japanese, a falsetto, the anal stage?
14. You are at a party, someone hands you a tray on which is a doob, a white line, a needle, a parcel of fresh air, a glass of scotch and a little tiny piece of square paper. You must ingest 1 of these. Which one and why (the tray doesn't count)?
15. Which column are you in? Column A: "I h8 fags and all sorts of other types of people". Column B" I like anyone except those in column A", or Column C "please leave me alone everyone as no one is cool".
16. Without looking it up!! How do you spell that word that rhymes with "with him" and describes a repetitious pattern? ei "That drummer has a great sense of _____. Spell that word.

i h8 quirky 30-something that still think h8ing mtv is relevant. "do u like madlibs?" you want to me describe myself in haiku and give you definitions for basic psychoanalytic concepts? am i applying to live at a satelite burning man convention?

it's times like this that make me wonder if the bay is the right place at all.

oh fuck you

i really don't need existential questions posed at me from a mid-sized suv vanity plate right now, thank you very much.

Friday, June 6, 2008

arrow of time

i just finished college.

the world seems like it just got way way bigger. and i gotta keep movin.

my fancy, top-tier education has taught me that the universe actually has and is still and will never stop expanding. nothing like the theoretical dismantling of stasis to getcha movin. thanks second law of thermodynamics!

Monday, June 2, 2008

Elm Street

i think i am generally pretty posi, love life, affirm my interest in a state of being perpetually stoked. but, lately, the idea of time has started to really weigh on me. i am probably going to be alive for a while and that means making choices about how to fill my time -and there is alot of it to fill. ordinarily, that is something i do without thinking. i keep busy and rarely feel bored. if nothing else, i am pretty satisfied with my internal dialogue and personal jokes to feel okay about doing things i don't even really like that much because i always like making fun of things more than i dislike whatever i am forced to make fun of. but, my eternal flame of a pma is straining right now. i am just sort of at a loss with what to do. it's funny because it's a general fact. the thing is i have no idea what i will be doing at all after the next three weeks. i could literally fill my time with anything. i have zero plans and unlimited choices, which in a certain way makes making any decision harder. strangely, my new indecisiveness is also manifesting in my inability to do small things like decide what to eat, to read anything for more than a few pages at a time, or do anything besides lay in bed. this uneasiness is a normal part of any major transition i guess. but, it is sort of disappointing to be going through such a cliche crisis as i am about to graduate.

is it really so scary to be in the world?

i guess i have a pretty long lineage of people trying to turn dreams into reality.

this is what

friendship looks like when it is sleepy and drowning in plush patterns.

photo by liza rose