BIG JOB

Chris Burden at his eerie best.
http://www.ubu.com/film/burden_wrench.html

Conspiracy Theory

MAGIC BEBE

, originally uploaded by diamond.teeth.

PEDRO DRAKE DIOR

HI AND LO'S

It's been a minute. Some very high high's and some unprecedented low's. It's how it goes, right?

An example:
Last night, after getting some terrible news while at work featuring two hospitalizations and a death, I got free baseball tickets before rushing to make a dear friend's opening of his phenomenal solo show.  How can all this happen at once?

I am going to go to the Giants' game tonight. And after go see the Slowmotions and Shitty Limits at the knockout. IT IS GOING TO BE GREAT.


You should come to the show. It is not everyday a fantastic Japanese punk band plays in your neighborhood bar for six dollars. Plus, it'll be nice to see you.

The Planet Earth is the Lunatic Asylum of the Galaxy

I have GOT to see this movie. Teen revelry, euphoric destruction, madness, and maybe even a touch of critique!

LORD LOVE A DUCK

The Future is bleak

If these are the kind of role models we give kids, the best jokes we can hope for are saying unfunny misogynist things in a repetitive voice. And that is a future I do not want to be a part of. Except, then I found this website by an Adam Sandler: http://www.asandler.com/

I have no idea if this is actually Adam Sandler's official website. It seems entirely too good to be true. Like any good piece of cyberia, there are gifs, broken links, and weekly updates that haven't been touched in years. Not since Gilbert Gottfried's blog (RIP) have I encountered such a failed foray into the internet. He offers such gems as the Guide to safe fax and a list of things to do to piss people off as opposed to his separate list of things to do to annoy people. He even has an X-Files drinking game.


It is just perfect.

Feel Good Party Duck

I'm obsessed with this picture of Donald Duck. It is from a commercial I saw no less than four times while watching the season premiere of Make It or Break It (review forthcoming). I think it is from a clip of the famous Main Street Electric Parade. Disco Donald seems to have lost that irascible nature in favor a light-up bow tie. An icon of our times.

FYI:
Donald's full name is Donald Fauntleroy Duck. He was born on Friday the 13th. He is colorblind and has Nazi-parody nightmares.

The Pleasures of Hassan: A 1000 year old Top Ten List.

I have been reading all this Abbasid poetry lately. Woweewoo, did those 10th century Arabs know how to party! Here's an example: Attending a dinner party, Hassan was asked what he liked most about being alive. I couldn't agree more with the list the rattled off.


The Pleasures of Hassan, a 10th century fool, as reported by wandering historian 'Ali ibn Muhammad Abu Hayyan al-Tawhidi

-safety
-health
-feeling smooth, shiny and round forms
-scratching myself when I itch
-eating pomegranates in summer
-sleeping with wild women and beardless boys
-walking without trousers among people who have no shame
-seeking a quarrel with sullen people
-finding no resistance on the part of those I love
-associating with idiots
-frequenting faithful fellows like brothers and not seeking the company of vile souls

[This is quoted directly and in its entirety from Robert Irwin’s Night and Horses and the Desert (p173), which cites Abdelwahab Boudiba's Sexuality in Islam (London, 1985; translated from French by Alan Sheridan), p 128 as the source of this quote.  This isn't twitter. Here is a context that allows any reader to further their interest in this topic.]

The list moves from general conditions to simple bodily pleasures to a sense of the relational and intimate. Maybe it is an unfounded sense of importance or self-centeredness about the present that makes me marvel at how 1000 years hasn't changed a thing. Pomegranate drips from a chin in sunshine, pestering the pouty and somber to get a rise, a palmed pebble are all as satisfying to me as they were to Hassan.  I'm not trying to say there is some human condition that links us. (GAG) Rather, I am just impressed with Hassan's excellent selection of ideas. The variety of pleasures and the perfect icons that represent them are what makes this recipe for happiness so great. It's like he reached out from his tent near Baghdad to give a shaka.

A Living Bell

HOLA! Long time, no see. I've been very busy lately. I started interning at McSweeney's. It's going great. You can keep your eyes peeled for a few things in the May issue of the Believer by yours truly. You'd think getting back into a reading and writing mode would really up the output on here -in both quality and content. And, hopefully, it will. Heretofore, I've just been too busy. Until it does, help yourself to some jamz by Melanie Safka. She was a weirdo babe with a guru.





Look! She even makes that same stupid face that I do when I am happy.


Plus, my grandparents are in town. Now, I get to go slide around on those library ladders at Britex.

Dear Friends,

Happy Valentines.